Random dude as Dalton and I walk past: Epic beards. Epic beards! EPIC BEARDS!
Me: Hey thanks man! You got a good start, you should grow yours out!
Dude: I shave it for work, I work at a restaurant.
Me: Let me offer you some advice: Quit your job, grow a beard. Then you don't need to work! I don't have a job, people literally just walk up to me and give me money.
Dude: For real?
Me: No, not at all. Don't let me lie to you. Have a nice night!